Untitled

Most of us sleep at night knowing, or rather hoping, that a better tomorrow will come. But what happens when one actually dreads waking up because every waking minute is simply torture?

Just last night, SHINee's Jonghyun was pronounced dead due to Carbon Monoxide poisoning. It was most probably a suicide, he purposely lit a coal briquette on a frying pan and stayed somewhere nobody knew. He made it such that saving him was impossible. 

Behind the bright facade that we all love and are familiar with, he kept dark thoughts that slowly ate himself inside out. Finding clinical help was futile, the stigma about depression made this condition way underestimated. Just how many more people do the world needs to lose before psychological condition can be taken more seriously?

The world has lost yet another bright artist with promising future, friends and fans lost a precious loved one, family lost a son and a brother. I can't imagine how much suffering he went through. Even words of comfort and love from countless people cannot change his judgements of himself, of his music. How ironic is it that the thing that he is most passionate about ended up killing him?

His passing united fandoms in the middle of war for year end award, and more importantly it built a momentum to raise higher awareness about psychological condition. They are very real and may be even more harmful than bodily wounds and scars. The devil inside our heads are insidious enemies no sword can fight and no medicine can cure.

I still can't wrap my mind around this news, really. SHINee is still an active and successful group until now, Jonghyun himself is a successful solo artist. So it is still really hard to believe this. His passing is as surreal as the passing of my friend 3 years ago. So sudden. 

No matter what, I know how it feels when you have so many people around yet you don't see that you have anyone to confide in. They are irrational thoughts, yes. But devils inside our minds has their own way of work even the smartest professor may not be able to understand. Whoever you are, if you need someone to talk to, you can freely contact me. I'm not good at comforting people, but I'll try my best to listen and be there. I can't promise to understand because everyone's circumstance is different. But I'll be there.  

Lastly, to Jonghyun, you have become inspiration to many and saved many lives through your music. Your family was happy while you were here. You've worked hard. May you rest in peace.