2k17

New Year is exactly in a week time. I can't believe that a year just passed by like that, but at the same time this year felt incredibly long as well. 


To be honest, I can't remember many things from the early months of the year. I have pretty much accepted my fate of having to study back in Surabaya. I guess, I was already done with adapting. But with that, my life felt very plain. I went through life day by day, just for the sake of it. 

Having said that, the second quarter of 2017 was the busiest days of my life. That was the first time I really had to drive home nearly midnight from campus. There were multiple events where I was part of the committee. There were days where I had assignments from all 3 events plus the academic assignments. It was crazy. I was sort of grateful that the Korean tuition was not available that semester. 

While one event had my heart full by the end of it, another left me with a deep pit of endless regret. It was an opportunity hard to come by. I was one of the lucky few from the many hopefuls, yet I did not make good use of that opportunity. Even now, it still leaves me a bitter aftertaste. If I was given a chance to turn back time, I'd like to change many things. Unfortunately, such a chance will never come. 

By the time the third semester started, I was already exhausted even before facing the first assessment. I was simply tired. And fatigue also meant heightened emotions. I was more irritable, I was consumed by lethargy almost every day of the week. That lasted until around few weeks ago. Often times, I also thought of many needless ridiculous thoughts that ended up draining myself emotionally. Dissatisfaction also come one after another, once again they were not even important but I thought about them for days. 


It all ended well, though. As soon as holiday started few days ago all those burdens left me. I was relieved of those negativities in a blink of an eye. Probably it also came from the relief of doing well in the international exam. I really need to learn being a more accepting and patient person. That is my probably my one true wish for 2018. 

There is just one more thing I'd like to say. Many of us are saddened by the recent passing of Jonghyun. It also really highlighted to me the gravity of mental illnesses. I appeal to anyone reading this, please talk to anyone when you have problems. You can talk to me if you want to, I may not offer the best advices but I will listen (or read). I also want to improve  myself in expressing my thoughts because I realise keeping everything to myself does not make anything better, it may actually even does more harm than good. 

Lastly, I hope this song brings you comfort just like it does to me when things get tough.