Over the course of 4 months, I worked at a tuition centre where I took some lessons a few years back. I took it as a way to spend my holiday meaningfully and perhaps even some fun meeting new people. But the shifts that I have done just made it clear that I'm not born to do that kind of job. Teaching requires a lot of patience, something that I don't really have in-built. It takes a lot for me to be super patient with the more difficult students, and the students during my last shifts can most definitely kiss goodbye to the more patient me in the afternoon. Furthermore, this temporary job proves that I can't work well under pressure when I'm surrounded by people. There were days when one shift was attended fully by attention-hungry students, keeping asking questions and not knowing what it means to take turn. It was very stressful on my part, there was that expectation from parents or even the students themselves, and I have to uphold that. They were there to study and gain knowledge, if I couldn't explain the questions well, then what good did the sessions actually do for them? On top of that, teaching means long working hour, sometimes with unexpected schedule. While people have 9 to 5 job, I had 2 to 7 job which in the end turned into 9 to 7 job. Long hours with, I guess, minimum pay is just sad and definitely not my cup of tea. My motivation leading up to my last day of work was actually counting down to the end. I'm sorry, I'm no saint. Enough is enough for me. Having said that, it was nice seeing hopeful people who are younger than me. They still have that beautiful picture of their future in their heads.
The wait for university admission was frustrating. I had to handle both the expectations at work and that from people around me. The 'scholar' title became a burden to me. Neighbors, family, students and even friends has been thinking pretty highly of me because of the past scholarship. So when things don't go the way I had planned, the sorrow multiplied by tenfold if not hundredfold. It was so easy to buckle under pressure. Indeed, easy it was.
I declare 11th May 2016 my, for a lack of better word, shit day. It was an emotionally draining day. My first class had just ended when I checked my application status that showed "We regret to inform you that your application to xxxx is not successful". While I managed to put up a pokerface, my feet immediately felt cold. One of my students was still sitting near me and nice enough to try make me laugh after that big revelation. The day went on and I managed to teach one more student. But at one point, I just couldn't hold back the tears anymore. I was disappointed, frustrated and confused. How do I go on after the rejection? Even when I was about to go home, a parent called me yelling about her daughter's progress. She had expected an instant result from a few 1.5 hours sessions. It was probably the shittiest day of my 19 years of existence (and the reason for the title). My dad even wondered whether the ache was worse than rejection from a crush.
I was able to somewhat bounce back in one day. I only allowed one day of mourning. The rejection did not mean the end of the world. While my mind understand the concept, the body knows. My normal appetite hasn't really come back *sighpie*
Having said that, all these do have some positive side to it. All the blues made me appreciate people around me even more. My parents with their unwavering support, some of my understanding students, church friends and even my cousin. Actually, I would love to thank this particular cousin a gazillion time. He's been the one who somewhat help me decide my course in university in his own ways. When I was cray cray about being the next Minister of Forestry he subtly coaxed me to choose a more viable option. So yeah, I actually owe him quite a lot. My parents too because they keep supporting whatever decision that I make and also push me to do well next time.
A verse I stumbled upon JeffreyFever's Youtube channel last year has somewhat put a peace in my heart and give me strength in this difficult time. This is actually the reason I can set my mind that everything will be okay in just one day. I hope it will do the same for those of you who face similar predicaments.
Bonus:
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