Heya! This entry comes late again, this time with rather good reasons. Long story short, the house was flooded on Christmas last year and it ruined the door to my parents' room. Mom ended up being my roommate for almost 2 months, and it didn't feel quite right to write this while she was in the room. I was then very much distracted by dramas and animes 😬 I really want to publish this before Q1 ends, so here we go!
It's probably a bit late to say that I'm facing growing pains now. I do feel like I grew quite a bit last year, probably hitting "milestones" a little late, but growth is growth alright. Before I dive deeper into past year's reflection and 2025 hopes, I thought it would be good to look back a little on what happened in 2024. A little recount of the highlights of the year!
Started something new in 2024! After many years of not learning it, I started taking Mandarin lessons, this time voluntarily. My dream of going to a language school abroad may be postponed indefinitely, but it doesn't mean I can't do anything about it, right? I'd say I now know more Mandarin than I did in 2023, it's pretty exciting to hear more and more familiar words when I watch dramas! The progress is definitely not as fast as when I learned Korean, but this Mandarin lesson is more for fun, so any progress is for sure a very welcome bonus :)
At the start of the year, friends were also coming to town one after another. It was fun catching up and experiencing their antiques just like old times. Then, a bit later, I found out I was ditched for a bit because one of them was hoping to have something brewing with the other. That was from a year ago, so no hard feelings and I now recall that as a funny episode~
A little later, I finally made up my mind to get my brow embroidered! It was a long time coming, so finally getting it done and actually being satisfied with the results were truly something to celebrate. My brows now show in pictures and I have a bit of extra time in the morning. One year later, they're still looking good too. This is such a little thing but it made me very happy! :)
In June, one of my best friends got married! This was the first time I was enlisted as a bridesmaid. But that's not the reason why this was so memorable. I can still remember the days when we were roommates, clueless 15-year-olds plunged into a land full of unknowns. Sleepless nights for studies, jokes and heart-to-heart talks were so long ago, but still fresh in my mind. And the same girl in that memory now has a husband who loves and cherishes her. Witnessing their special day from morning to night was a privilege and I am grateful I had the chance to.
Her wedding brought the presence of he-who-shall-not-be-named. I think it's best to just discuss this in a later paragraph. But just for the sake of maintaining a linear timeline, I'm mentioning it here.
To lessen the amount of guessing I have to do in this complicated world, I also decided to get help and went to a personal colour curator! The process was actually faster than I had expected. It confirmed some of my suspicions, but still shocked me a lot because many of my favourite makeup and clothing items are far from my best colour 😬. Very glad I did this, when I need or want to buy new makeup and/or clothes, it kind of helps me to choose more wearable colours 👍
Another highlight of the year is Day6 concert in Surabaya! This was the first ever proper concert I've gone to. Years ago, I only got to go to a fanmeet back when Day6 was a total rookie 🐥. And I love love love both times! Listening to my favourite band performing some of my most played songs live, singing along till my voice was no more and soaking up the energy from everyone in the concert hall were gr9. I would definitely go again in the future if I have the chance, but probably not too soon because K-pop concert tickets are notoriously hard to get and defo not cheap at all 😬.
Well, not everything can be good in a year. Work was okay-ish, but I guess it was closer to the not-okay side. I somehow felt that I did not achieve much last year. And true to that feeling, my performance review results were, for lack of a better word, mediocre af. The thing is, mediocrity is not valued in a for-profit organisation. Was it due to a lack of drive? Was it because I was distracted by many other things? Was it because I simply needed someone to set a hard deadline for me instead of suggestions? Thinking about it again and again, a combination of all 3 seems to be the perfect formula for my drop in performance. I have to say it's my closest brush with failing marks since the Taxation module in uni.
In around April, I also got a mysterious urticaria case that lasted for very very long. No matter what I ate or did, large blocks of hives appeared all over my body. Defo not a pleasant experience. Went to various doctors, was prescribed various ointments and meds, and even tried changing my diet but they were all for nought. It's somewhat better now, but I'm still far from hives-free. All those meds were also probably why I've gained the most weight in at least a decade 😒 Now that I've minimised the consumption of those meds, it's time to shed some pounds!
Then the year ended with a bang. And not the good kind of bang. As I touched on a bit above, le house was flooded on Christmas day. That was the first time (and hopefully the last) that flood actually came into the house since my dad started living in this house in the late 80s. And not only that, the flood only completely receded in 2 days. There were still things to be grateful for tho. We have an upstairs bathroom, so we can still keep ourselves clean at the end of the day. At that point, I recently changed my bed into a bigger one, so it could accommodate 3 people at once (a bit tight, but we gotta work with what we have). Also grateful that food delivery service is a thing because our kitchen was super flooded as well. We were also very thankful that the only irreparably damaged thing in the house was that one door. So, I guess all is well in the end?
Now, Q1 of 2025 has almost ended. And as much as I hate to admit it, though I look and sound pretty nonchalant about it, the start and end of my first-ever relationship still plague my mind until now. It started just as summer ended and concluded when we were just halfway through autumn. As the great sage (aka Taylor Swift) once said, loving him is like driving a new Maserati down a dead-end street. The day he left to go home was the start of an end that I should have foreseen. But even knowing what I have realized now, I still cannot believe it was so fleeting. The bottle of shampoo he left actually lasted a month longer, I haven't even been able to finish the 28-episode series he recommended, hell, my manager's maternity leave is actually longer than the period since I started knowing him to the period when everything ended. This whole thing feels like a huge failure. The only redeeming point is I know that I've given and done what I can given the less-than-ideal situation.
The start was all great and dandy. Almost a meet-cute typa situation that in romance novels will definitely conclude in a happy ending. I saw all the efforts he made, and I reciprocated. Spending time together and getting to know each other was great. We were just 2 shy people trying our best to express our feelings. But I guess, most people would feel the same at this stage.
As soon as he went back, he got busier. Communication dwindled, promises turned to plain words, and doubts piled up. November ended with him suggesting a "break" and me stupidly agreeing to this limbo term. After a few more days of thinking, I realized the terms he attached to this "break" suggested this was more of an end. Pretty much 💩, just in slightly nicer wrapping. [To be fair, I think he's not a bad guy. We're just both stupid in our own ways].
Sometimes I wonder, would it have been better if I were also busier? Was I simply too demanding? Or was I not doing enough? Was it the fault of his job that this didn't work out? Spiralling myself in this whirlpool of what-ifs will not change anything for the better though. So, I cut my hair short at the end of last year to (hopefully) signal a fresh start. Reminders about what was there and what could have been will always be there. Be it things or memories, they are not all things that can simply be thrown away and forgotten. Fingers crossed, time (and proper 'disinfection') heals and life can continue - business as usual.
Speaking of what-ifs, what would have happened if I had agreed to meet up with the airport coffee or tea guy? I was flying home end of 2015, and this guy (a complete stranger!) suddenly approached me to ask whether I liked coffee or tea better. Then he also extended an invitation to have tea together when I went back to Singapore. I said no, of course! The stranger danger alarm was working overtime at that time. But since we're playing what-ifs, I wondered what would have happened if I said yes and made the effort to actually meet him. [There is a possibility it could have been the start of something really cute, or worst case, I could have ended up being drugged-up and trafficked 😨)
A very sharp segue, but before 2025 started, I was really looking forward to a good year. 2+0+2+5 equals 9, which in the company where I work is a really good number. On top of that 2025 is the perfect square of 45! The last perfect square year was in 1936, and the next one will be in another 91 years, so I found the number 2025 very exciting. In reality, the situation in Indonesia is not looking very good right now. I just hope that the year will eventually bring more blessings than sorrow. In the year 2025, I also hope to be a better person. Being more careful is one thing, but I also want to be someone who does stuff instead of just thinking about it. Action speaks louder than words yo.
To close, I'm sharing with you my favourite song from Day6's latest album. A little sombre, but it does mostly reflect what I've been feeling. Hope you enjoy this one!
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