15 Sundays

That is approximately the amount of time that I have before A-levels. 15 Sundays to go to church that I've been going to these past 1.5 years. 15 Sundays to go there with my friends. 15 Sundays sounds not much, but believe me, the fact that these are the last 15 Sundays that I can do the things that I've been doing makes it very hard to believe and accept. 

It's frustrating, really. I want to graduate so badly, having enough of all the assignments and expectations from teachers. Sometimes all the routine suffocates me, they are weighing me down. But on the other hand, coming to this country, studying in this college, staying in this hostel give a lot more excitement in my life. Friendships forged, memories made together, even the challenges faced are just too precious to just let go. These 15 weeks or so that are left becomes so valuable just because I can't buy anymore time to experience all these. 

I can't help but be reminded of the same period last year. By these period last year, I had managed to become closer to some of my seniors and batchmates because we went to church together almost every Sunday. But one by one faltered due to various reasons: fatigue, busyness, and other reasons. We all started going to different services or even if we did go to the same service we would be going at different timing. My last 15 Sundays with my seniors was not something that I can be proud of, only one senior continue going to church together with me. This togetherness, although lasted only for around 1 hour every Sunday, was meaningful to me. It was nice to see that someone was sitting beside me, to make directionless conversation, to know that I was not alone. This was actually why I wrote one of my older posts, Officially Missing You. 

 How about this year's 15 Sundays? Nothing is certain. But one thing for sure, I want us to be together until the end. I love every single one of "anak-anak beriman". I was born awkward at showing affection. Just because I don't show it to them, it doesn't mean that I don't cherish their presence in the bus or MRT on the way to church. It's pretty amusing hearing what they have to say no matter how pointless the conversation is. Those short journeys from hostel to church or the other way round are our brief escapades from the reality that are waiting for us, the time to really show who we are to each other, the time to know that we are not alone.  

So, if you ask me whether I want these 15 Sundays together and risk missing my friends badly, I will boldly say "I want it so badly, it is worth the heartache".  

I don't know whether this post will come out as very random, the idea of this post just came to me last night when I was about to sleep. Honestly, I don't know whether what I wrote above really reflect what I feel or it is just something that transpire because of the spur of the moment. But really, I want these remaining 15 Sundays to be as meaningful as it can be because they are the last 15 Sundays that I get to experience with this set of people.