I guess this is goodbye

To my friend, Nico.

A tiny part of me still wish that you are alive, that they identified the wrong person. I still wish this life can be like those soap operas where the missing person suddenly comes back out of nowhere after so long. I still do wish that you can come back to be here with all of us. 

Honestly, I don't really know what to feel right now. To be happy or to be sad that you've been identified? Happy because we finally get a closure or sad because I have lost a friend. 

Our time together was not long despite the fact that we've known each other for about 5 years. Until now, I'm still regretting our cancelled "Selusin" outing. I'm also upset with the fact that we never arranged another 1/4 lusin meeting after the school year starts. I wish we had known better. I wish we didn't take those chances to meet for granted. I also regret that I hadn't given you the Girls' Generation poster that I promised, I still have it with me now. What do you want me to do with it now?

 But one thing that I'm grateful about is that you had asked to take a picture with me after guitar concert despite me feeling awkward. I don't know how much more regrets I will have now if I rejected taking that photo. 

Our Cabulous family here in the hostel is not complete without you. The 19 of us miss you so much. We want our 20th member comes back, at least I do want that. Selusin is also not the same without you, so do the sub-groups of Selusin. Now we can't have an outing with complete member like I've always dreamed of. But no matter what, you're still a part of us. 

People might see you as just another passenger in the damned airplane. But to us, you are the Nico that we will miss, Nico that is a part of our family. You are our Shakh Rukh Khan, our catboy, our youngest member. 

I would like to define a new meaning for goodbye for all of us. We always perceive goodbye as a permanent parting, but I would like to propose this : goodbye = see you in heaven. So, I guess this is goodbye for us?

Have a safe flight to heaven, Nico. You will be missed.