My innocent blanket has been getting some undeserved kicks. And I'm trying to figure out how to start writing the why. My head's been spinning from the excitement, fear, and whatever this unidentifiable feeling is. I just feel like it's worth writing down because it's been a while since I felt this way.
Between the first romance novel I've read in a while and the fanfare of one of my best friends' wedding, something happened. Let's just say it's the first time I'm glad to be easily identified as the short one in the group. And I'm feeling super giddy! Like a middle-schooler giddy: I found myself smiling at nothing, biting down squeals and listening to my sappy playlists. Experiencing all this now feels like a few years too late, but who cares, right? What's important is everyone involved benefits from some kind of happiness no matter how fleeting that is 😌 These past few days, everything looks pink and rosy. Everything is new and thus exciting! Almost every line in the chat ends with an exclamation mark and I haven't been using this much exclamation mark in years!
This is too premature a thought, but I fear myself. What if I'm the one who disappoints, has cold feet and ends up ruining that can turn into something beautiful? (Damn it, does this even deserve to be called a budding relationship?) In the past two attempts, I was the one who put a halt to things. I'm afraid it will happen again, whether it be from irrational fear or any other exaggerated actual concerns. Okay, I'm rambling. I should take a breath and step back a bit, no need to overthink things that may not happen.
Having said that, with the literal Pacific Ocean and the 12-hour difference separating us, I am not sure whether and how this will work out. Fingers crossed, things will unfold in a good way. But even if it doesn't work out this time, I'll probably be one step closer to the right one. And that's a good thing, right?
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