2k19

This post was written and meant to be posted before 2019 ended, but s**t happened and my laptop broke down. I wrote down the reflection anyway, so that I can post it when I have access to a computer again! So here goes nothing.

I say this every single year: It's hard to believe another year has passed just like that. This year felt so short but really long at the same time, I can barely remember what happened at the start of the year! I actually had to review my diary/agenda entries from the start of the year to remember. Boy, was it a packed year!

One of the highlights was actually the group projects! The first group project involved a unique mix of group members and some video editing. Despite being classmates for more than 2 years, I didn't have much opportunity to work together with these people, so it was a rather refreshing experience. It put me in a position where I get to talk more with those I usually don't talk a lot with. The experience was awkward and amazing at the same time. The video editing was also something to remember. Some of our footage went missing due to some divine intervention so I had to make do a lot. My iMovie crashed when I was about to put finishing touches to the video too! It was chaotically fun. Because of all these, this particular project will probably be something I'd remember for a long time. The other one involved testing my driving abilities because the deadline was looming and the only guy in our group had other commitments he couldn't leave. Well, I guess I'm not that bad of a driver. Just a very bad navigator. 

Amid all these projects (and 2 majorly difficult exams!), I also had to prepare for IELTS and TOPIK II. IELTS should've been a breeze, but the little bit of kiasu-ness left in me awakened. I ended up practising with an official app for IELTS. The results were more than okay, but I definitely could've done better for the speaking portion of it. While IELTS was easy peasy lemon squeezy, TOPIK was in a whole other league. Was faced with hundreds if not thousands of unfamiliar vocabularies and grammar structures that I probably would've forgotten by now. The biweekly lessons were long and draining. Did not feel very confident up until the day of the exam. However, in the end, I got much better results than I expected! Having said that, my confidence in Korean is still not that high and I still have lots to learn before I can comfortably use it for conversation. And on the topic of TOPIK, I'm very grateful for my aunt's family. They helped me register for the exam, accommodate me during the exam period and even accompanied me everywhere I went while I was there. That gesture is definitely much appreciated, especially since I know how busy she is. I also know that she's in a pinch. I hope everything will work out for her and her family. 

My busyness didn't stop there. I also accepted an offer to be a trainer for a camp. If the school project was a fresh experience, this one was completely new. Not only do I have to contribute to planning a camp I've attended only once in my life, but I also had to work with people who were actually my trainers! I was a nervous wreck in the first few meetings. Though I still can't open myself completely to all other trainers, I was already much more relaxed with them by the end of the camp. They are great people and I admire their friendship. All hard-headed but they can keep their head and heart cool to solve their problems maturely. 

When it was very near D-day of the camp, I actually had to leave for Malaysia for around 2 weeks. I felt bad. Then again, my going to Malaysia was not for my pleasure purposes. Went there for an audit simulation. It was definitely not easy. Throw in a bunch of complete strangers who had close to zero experience in auditing and give them long hours poring over a large amount of data, and you've got yourself a one-of-a-kind audit simulation. I promise it was actually not as bad as I had described. That massive confusion and long hours produced an audit report and precious friendship. Yours truly actually cried on the last day of the program! Every one of them was the best teammates I could ever ask for. I hope I can see them again. 

Have I also mentioned that I became a tuition teacher around 2 weeks before Malaysia? I only had 2 students, but teaching a subject I haven't touched for at least 2.5 years turned out to be a challenge. I had to re-learn what I have forgotten and search for questions to solve. Ideally, I would try to solve or at least study those questions before giving it to my students. Teaching is surely not a walk in the park. Gotta appreciate dem lecturers more! 

After everything was done and dusted, I finally got to have a bit of fun. To South Korea, I go! Surprisingly, I wasn't as excited as I thought I would be. The unfamiliarity of it all made pretty sad for quite a while. I felt, for a lack of a better word, useless. The Korean I have been studying was not sufficient to communicate effectively, and words I already knew flew out of my mind when I was put on the spot. Now that some time has passed, all is good. I have come to terms with the situations here and I'm a bit braver to speak up. Now, with the little bit of time I have left in this country, I'm scrambling to see places I want to but have yet to go. All is well. 

Despite completing all the flurry of busyness this year, I have one thing given up. At the start of the year, inspired by last year's (2018) year-in-pixel, I decided on a personal year-long project: Jar of happiness. The point of this project was to train myself being a more grateful person, writing one thing I'm grateful about every day. After all, there is always something good even on a bad day. You know, seeing the silver lining in the clouds? Alas, it stopped within 3 months. I'd probably modify the modus operandi of the project and do something similar in 2020. Very much looking forward to it :)

Onto another issue, December is usually thought of as a happy month, but for me, every time the month comes around another thought also comes along with Christmas and its festivities. 5 years ago, my friend and his family members lost their lives in a tragic airplane accident, leaving his sister behind. I still remember how a few weeks before that I offered to visit his sister together at my old dorm. And then, when we were all spending time together with our respective families, they got on that plane. And just like that, he was gone. Losing him was arguably more devastating than when I lost my grandmother. He had a great part in maintaining friendship among the Indonesians and a long bright future, but all those prospects were now gone. It haunts me until now and a lot of what-ifs keep appearing too. But I don't matter in this case. I just hope that he is happy wherever he is now and I also hope for the best things in life for his sister. 

So, what have I learned this year? First, I definitely need to work more on my social skills. I've been wasting so much time and many opportunities to build a meaningful connection with these amazing people around me and make new friends in a new environment. Let's see what I can do about this next year (2020). Next, comfort-zone is a mind-constructed concept. As long as I can adjust my frame of mind, adopting with new busyness and new environment shouldn't be that hard. I have to take a leap of faith and face things head-on instead of hiding behind the protection of routine and familiarity. Lastly, I have to be more grateful and use the time I have wisely. Life is unpredictable and thus I have to spend them well by working effectively and show appreciation to those around me more.