Oct 6, 2016

20

Another milestone reached! I’m finally 20 years old, an age many people deem to signify adulthood. Being a 20 year old, gives me mixed feeling given my current situation. And surprisingly, or not, I'm not as excited as my other birthdays. The circumstances is definitely very very different, last year I was with friends studying for A-levels  in a foreign land and now I'm at home studying for mid-term exam. 

The one year has been long and short at the same time, so many things happened to me that sometimes it becomes too overwhelming. The period right after As was bliss, everything was alright and all I needed to think about was just fun! But expectations soon came up as the announcement of As result was just around the corner. And then, the big rejection came. It was just frustrating having to answer similar questions almost every single day. "Why are you still here? I thought you are continuing your studies in Singapore?" "Are you on holiday? You've been home for so long!" "If you had your high school in SG, why not continue uni there?" This kind of questions keep coming from right and left, even until now. Well, it is weird for someone to "downgrade" (no hate yeah, I actually quite like my current uni), so some people might see me as a not-smart-enough person. But people don't know the shit that I have to go through to even get the mark that does not even get me a place in my dream university as a foreigner. 

Then when I revealed that I'm going to a local university, many people think that I will do well (easily) in whatever that I do just because I've had the taste of Singapore education. That is certainly not true! I am still a regular student who does not know a thing about accounting when I first started! And how can someone who is supposedly a superb student missed an online test because she was watching videos on Youtube?

My 20s will be full of turbulence (maybe even more than the days when I'm 19). That I know (almost) 100% for sure. There will be a lot of expectations, insecurities because of age gap, feelings of being used and even appearance. But as I adapt, I wish for better days. As I become 20 years old, I have a start of something new. New friends, new school and many other new experiences. With that,  I pray to be a better person, someone who is more patient and sensitive to the people around me, someone who appreciates herself more and also someone who values friendship. 

As closing, I would like to attach this song. A song that contains some of current situation and also wishes. Wish me luck for the year ahead :) 





P.S. I'm planning a total makeover for this blog during holiday! This makeover will also signify the "fresh start" that I need, now that I'm 20 :) Expect a cleaner, somewhat more mature look!

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