Orientation Thoughts

Orientation is finally over for me, at least for the in-campus one it is. I never knew that such normal activity can evoke so much thoughts that it even made me start writing diaries again. So this post is a special one, I'm sharing 4 days of my diary (almost word for word) I wrote during the orientation period! 

!Warning! Quite a bit of angst ahead

18 July 2016

To Adapt

to change your behavior so that it is easier to live in a particular place or situation (Merriam-Webster Dictionary)

Adapting has been an essential part of my life since 5 years ago. Thrown into a complete foreign country... I hated it because I have to learn everything all over again. But now I am trying to cling onto even the smallest connection I have with the country that I unconsciously have fallen in love with. 

It almost felt like 5 years ago all over again, I need to change my habits in order to live in a place I supposedly call home. Staying home should have meant a comfortable, worry-less life. But instead, worry is gnawing my mind constantly. 

The subtlest adaptation that I need to undergo is the change of messenger provider. This fact in itself already bothers me so much when it should've been as easy as turning my palm. 

Coming to campus today opened up my eyes to many things. How much I've missed Singapore (that I see many familiar faces in complete strangers'), how much I'm behind my old friends and the age gap with my current batch mates. The OGLs keep saying 'kids' but they don't know that I'm the same age if not older than them. How to change this horrible mindset? How to feel that I actually belong in this place? I don't know, no one knows, only time can tell. 


Wednesday, 20 July 2016

Tragedy

an event causing great suffering, destruction and distress (New Oxford American Dictionary)

Let me, for once, redefine tragedy

Tragedy is when you end up being a junior to your old friends when you never even repeated a grade. 

Tragedy is when you hesitate to call a senior "koko" (or oppa as what the dramas show) because there is that huge chance you are actually older than him. 

Tragedy is when your heart stops when seeing a friend you dearly miss, not because you can finally meet them after so long, but because he has the authority to scold you. 


Thursday, 21 July 2016

Process

a series of actions or steps taken in order to achieve a particular end (somewhere in the world wide web)

"Selamat berproses" the MCs and teachers has been saying this over and over again since the start of orientation. 

True, orientation is a process just like growing up is. But the things that come with it, somewhat feel unnecessary (and are pretty much self-inflicted). Is awkwardly meeting up with old friends necessary? Is holding myself back from expressing my feelings necessary? Is constantly thinking about my age really necessary? The answers to these questions are all no and I'm working on them. This 'process' of adapting into a practically (but not technically) new environment takes time. And I hope time will be kind and heal. 

Friday, 22 July 2016

Salah Tingkah

Salah tingkah terjadi ketika seseorang dihadapkan pada suatu kejadian yang tidak diharapkan. 

I literally didn't know what to do when I see friends from the "safety committee". They had to keep their cool all the time and I just can't. It feels sooo weird having to almost act like we don't know each other?!



From all these entries, I think you can pretty much infer that I am very age-conscious. I hope, I really hope, as time goes by new friendships will be forged and make me forget this annoying age-consciousness. Because, after all, age gap is nothing in friendship!