They say, you won't appreciate what you have until it's gone. The events and talks that I've been having these past few weeks highlight just how much that statement really holds true.
For the past few years, I'd been blessed with free education in a country that my family would never dream of sending me to. Singapore, besides well-known for its excellent education, is also infamous for its relatively high cost of living. I guess I took this privilege for granted. I got the scholarship without expecting getting one and thus become nonchalant of the miracles that had brought me there. Instead, I kept picking out the misery that I have to go through. Now that I have so much time to spare, I can finally look back and realize the 'misery' I went through was actually not bad at all compared to all the benefits that I get. I could have just take it as a phase that I have to pass. The fact that I had friends facing the same predicament was reassuring too because we pretty much can understand each other's worries and concerns.
Now, I'm pretty much living in uncertainty. No longer do I have the luxury of waking up with certainty of my days to come. Every day is filled with gnawing doubts about the near future. The only university that has accepted me was too far out of reach because of its exorbitant tuition fee. My only 2 hopes have yet gotten back to me. The longer the wait, the more unconfident I become. I just hope this torment will stop soon, and hopefully ends in a good note.
You see, people usually has plans for their future, good plans, the best scenario that they dream of. I did that too and unfortunately failed to foresee worse scenarios that might just be a reality. If my family was richer, all these worries become redundant. If I had scored better, most of my worries can be easily eliminated. But if I had shut myself and work harder, would the result be any different? Can I even handle the lonely road? Thinking about this, I realize that I wouldn't want to have my life any other way. All these happenings are meant to teach me something. May be I still can't figure it out now, but someday I probably will. With my current state, I can enjoy being with my friends and experience the love from my family.
Moving on to another topic, I never realized the very significance of this one particular friend. The memories of him has grown quite distant but tears will start brimming every time we visit him. I lost a kind and funny hometown friend. And I am trying to hold onto every single memories that I can remember from our short time together. I think I'm just slow at this kind of things, but the long talks that my friends and I had yesterday finally opened my eyes and help me understand something I have failed to notice. It knocked some sense into me about why there are so much changes in the last year of our school. He was more than a fellow countryman to many, especially the guys. He took the role of the glue in our batch and the bridge between those who are separated by circumstances. Who knew that the loss of one precious friend could throw everything out of the beautiful equilibrium that we never thought even existed.
The loss is mournful. The fallout is regretful and disappointing. But life goes and we can't just continue to mull over the past. Having realized all these, you and I can consciously try to do our best so as to prevent avoidable regrets and disappointment in the future. And that is our simple mission, to try.
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