Game of Life

I don’t believe in coincidences. I don’t believe that there is anything that happens by chance. I believe, everything happens for a reason. Maybe, we don’t know why it must happen. But someday, somehow we will find out. This is because, I think, life can be likened to a game, a game under God’s control. And just like every other gamers or players, I believe He also have His own rationale for every decided step.

As I have mentioned in my previous post, I just lost one of my uncles due to cancer at the start of the year. Then, around a few weeks ago, I found out that one of my aunts actually also suffer from cancer and also that she’s actually too old to receive any chemotherapy or surgery. You name it. Is this a sign? I don’t know either.

2 weeks ago, I met with a senior from my old church. Then I told her about my predicament, how diseases and death always bother my mind, especially after I lost quite a few family members these past 2 years. Her answer, through Bible, actually satisfied me quite a bit. But it’s not enough to really make me understand this whole concept. All these are too abstract.

Just today, in school, we had a critical thinking workshop in which we discussed about the right to die. Whether euthanasia is actually a choice to go, whether dying with dignity can be achieved through this. When I first saw this topic, it actually hit me because I just saw the current condition of my aunt in the afternoon. She looks so fragile, so brittle, so different from the start of the year when I last saw her. It’s almost like if I touch her, she will break into pieces. Moreover, I also remembered about my late grandmother. I imagine her feeling pain, and no one can hear her. “Mercy killing” and being able to refuse life-sustaining medication thus becomes a very attractive point for me.

These past few months feel like I’m being put in a Hunger Games arena where the Game-makers continuously try to introduce new concepts and challenges, all with the objectives I have yet to know.

In this game of life, you’ll never what’s gonna happen to you next. As I’m typing this blog entry, there is actually a gazillion possibility of things that might happen to me, be it good or bad.

I know, as you are reading this entry you might think that I’m just rambling and sprouting nonsense. My mind is really in a mess right now. Like, I have so many things to say but I can’t find a way to really express it, to let it out. I’m thankful enough if anyone really takes his or her time to read this, or even try to sympathize with me.

But really, my point is that this life is full of uncertainty. We have to be prepared to face anything. Losing a family member, acute disease, and bad grades. You name it. And everything happens for a reason.